ICICI Private Banking
I've always maintained that with ICICI, their online tools are great and their people suck. As a direct consequence, I make every effort to ensure that I perform all banking related activities online and as far as possible do not write mails or visit branches. When I do write mails, they have to be clear and simple, else the dud-heads in online support make hash out of it.
Tired of waiting everytime I had to visit the bank (to make a draft for example, on priority), I needed a way to avoid the looong queues. Here I discovered that if you maintain 5,00,000 or more in your account, queues are supposed to magically disappear and you get to sit in a separate cabin or a comfy chair and make your requests, while someone deputed will ensure they are carried out, while you wait.
Needless to say, I was delighted on learning this, and proceeded to divert some savings into my savings account and fixed deposits, rather than mutual funds. In a little while, I had about 2% less and thought it a good time to inquire if I'm on the right track.
Walking into a branch, I was directed into a room where there was this chap seated. He was the 'Senior Relationship Manager - Private Banking', lets call him SD. Nice title huh? Evidently, he thought so too. Seated in front of him, I proceeded to tell him I was interested in opening a private banking account. He looks me up and down and (as we find out later) apparently made a decision, that I, in my scruffy jeans and T-shirt wasn't a suitable specimen to be seated in his nice air conditioned office, and on his nice oh-so-soft chair. With a condescending tone, he asked for my account number. On entering it in the computer, he shakes his head and then proceeded to explain in the most humiliating manner possible, why I wasn't eligible for an account, why my funds should be in a single customer ID (what the fuck is that?, they looked good to me on internet banking). Then he proceeds to ask me how much I have where and then says 'See? You don't have enough', while shaking his head and glaring at me from behind the desk. Then after asking me how much I save every month and learning the figure, he proceeds to call in a colleague and both then proceed to sell me ICICI investments. Me, a worthless bum off the street, not eligible for private banking... is now a potential customer for ICICI investments with 7 digit returns and multi year lock in periods.
Anyway, thats not all... I wait for a week to see if my displeasure had any base and if it persists. It did and I wrote to ICICI bank, explaining that I have an extended relationship (savings accounts, current account, salary accounts, investments, demat and trading accounts, fixed deposits, insurance, bonds and credit cards) and I would like something to be done because I had been badly spoken to. I expected someone (anyone) to apologise and convert my account to a private banking relationship, help organise my funds the way they want and end the matter.
No way!
A bunch of idiots were lined up who proceeded to apologise, apologise and continue apologising and say that 'something would be done'. Amazing! It may also interest you to know, we once called ICICI and asked them the full form of the acronym ICICI. The girl didn't know. Over the phone we heard her asking her manager, who also didn't know. He in turn called Bombay, where they finally enlightened him on the full name of the company he worked for. Now if thats what they call 'Human Resources', I must be god!
I now have a similar relationship with HSBC, who I am happy to say, gave me my account number in under 2 hours.
BFM
Tired of waiting everytime I had to visit the bank (to make a draft for example, on priority), I needed a way to avoid the looong queues. Here I discovered that if you maintain 5,00,000 or more in your account, queues are supposed to magically disappear and you get to sit in a separate cabin or a comfy chair and make your requests, while someone deputed will ensure they are carried out, while you wait.
Needless to say, I was delighted on learning this, and proceeded to divert some savings into my savings account and fixed deposits, rather than mutual funds. In a little while, I had about 2% less and thought it a good time to inquire if I'm on the right track.
Walking into a branch, I was directed into a room where there was this chap seated. He was the 'Senior Relationship Manager - Private Banking', lets call him SD. Nice title huh? Evidently, he thought so too. Seated in front of him, I proceeded to tell him I was interested in opening a private banking account. He looks me up and down and (as we find out later) apparently made a decision, that I, in my scruffy jeans and T-shirt wasn't a suitable specimen to be seated in his nice air conditioned office, and on his nice oh-so-soft chair. With a condescending tone, he asked for my account number. On entering it in the computer, he shakes his head and then proceeded to explain in the most humiliating manner possible, why I wasn't eligible for an account, why my funds should be in a single customer ID (what the fuck is that?, they looked good to me on internet banking). Then he proceeds to ask me how much I have where and then says 'See? You don't have enough', while shaking his head and glaring at me from behind the desk. Then after asking me how much I save every month and learning the figure, he proceeds to call in a colleague and both then proceed to sell me ICICI investments. Me, a worthless bum off the street, not eligible for private banking... is now a potential customer for ICICI investments with 7 digit returns and multi year lock in periods.
Anyway, thats not all... I wait for a week to see if my displeasure had any base and if it persists. It did and I wrote to ICICI bank, explaining that I have an extended relationship (savings accounts, current account, salary accounts, investments, demat and trading accounts, fixed deposits, insurance, bonds and credit cards) and I would like something to be done because I had been badly spoken to. I expected someone (anyone) to apologise and convert my account to a private banking relationship, help organise my funds the way they want and end the matter.
No way!
A bunch of idiots were lined up who proceeded to apologise, apologise and continue apologising and say that 'something would be done'. Amazing! It may also interest you to know, we once called ICICI and asked them the full form of the acronym ICICI. The girl didn't know. Over the phone we heard her asking her manager, who also didn't know. He in turn called Bombay, where they finally enlightened him on the full name of the company he worked for. Now if thats what they call 'Human Resources', I must be god!
I now have a similar relationship with HSBC, who I am happy to say, gave me my account number in under 2 hours.
BFM
posted by bigfatman at
10:21 AM
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